Moving Beyond that Highlight Reel
Why does everyone feel so lonely?
Can we chat for a second? Lately, I’ve been noticing a lot of heaviness in conversations with clients and in the world around us. Focusing on this profound disconnect people are feeling to those around them. Many people are feeling isolated and alone. Many struggling even in the relationships in which they do have. And it’s gotten me thinking. Thinking about what friendship really means, in a culture where we often only see each other’s highlight reels. Where we are so focused on portraying only the best parts of ourselves. When the messy, complicated parts of life don’t show up online, it can trick us into believing that needing support somehow makes us a burden. [I hear this word almost on the daily] But it just isn’t true. How have we gotten to this place that if we have a need, we aren’t our best that we are somehow less than human? How is it that most report they would NEVER say this to anyone else, and yet it’s the truth that leads our lives??
True friendship has never been about perfection — it’s about presence.
And here’s why- and I happen to think it’s quite beautiful: the word friend comes from Old English freond, meaning “one attached to another by feelings of personal regard and preference.” It traces back even further to roots that mean “to love” or “to please.” At its core, friendship has always been about affection, connection and attachment — not about these curated images, achievements, and spotless narratives. Friendship is meant to hold the raw and the real. Not phoney and polished.
Let’s Talk More About Impact-
The Friendship Recession
Over the last decade, researchers have documented a meaningful shift in how people make and keep friends. Surveys show many Americans report fewer close friendships than previous generations, and a growing number say they have none at all. This “friendship recession” matters because social connection isn’t just “nice to have” — it directly impacts our mental and physical health. Pew Research Center; Leadership & Happiness Laboratory has more to say on this if you want to read more- I just wanted to give the highlights!
Loneliness as a Public-Health Concern
National reports highlight loneliness as a serious public-health issue. Studies link chronic loneliness to depression, cardiovascular problems, and even premature mortality. The U.S. Surgeon General has called it an epidemic. Check out info by Cigna and MultiVu for more.
Turning Point? The Pandemic
The COVID-19 pandemic made these patterns even clearer. Lockdowns strained or ended some friendships, while others deepened through intentional effort. But for many, the disruption revealed which relationships were truly core. Young adults in particular reported difficulty maintaining connections, with lasting effects. It’s safe to say that many of us report a significant shift in connections that we can trace back to this time of forced isolation. PMC and Frontiers has some more on this.
It Is, but also ISN’T all Social Media
Digital life plays a complicated role. On one hand, it makes it easy to stay in touch. But on the other, this passive scrolling and comparison often fuel isolation- you know what I mean right? The research shows that social media can either strengthen or weaken friendships, depending on how it’s used. Active, supportive interactions matter far more than silent observation. PMC and Frontiers also has some more on this.
The Health Benefits of Friendship
Friendship isn’t just emotionally satisfying — it’s protective. Strong relationships buffer stress, improve coping, and are associated with better long-term health outcomes, even longevity. That’s why strengthening social ties is increasingly being viewed as a public-health priority. [HHS.gov talks some on this.] We know it FEELS good, but it also helps keep us healthy. So let’s try to figure out how we can fix some of these things.
Practical, Science-Backed Ways to Address the Impact
Prioritize small, regular interactions. A quick text, short call, or walk matters more than occasional big gestures- and it’s that so good to hear?? We often live busy lives, but I bet you have 5 seconds to do a reach out!
Share experiences. Doing things together — hikes, movies, meals, walks, activities, class, errands. All these things help us to have the buffer (if we struggle with social anxiety) to feel more confident in those shared spaces.
Engage online with intention. This is a BIG ONE! Please notice this. Let’s move from scrolling to sending supportive messages or making concrete invitations. Let’s move away from being the internet troll or passive bystander into meaningful connections. Or, move away entirely. One of the best things I have personally found is giving myself the freedom to not engage my personal life online.
Reach out specifically. Instead of “let’s hang out sometime,” try “let’s go get coffee on [______]?” Specific plans are key! Let’s move out of that passivity and be assertive with our desires. You want more social time? Just ask. It might feel weird and formal and direct- but let’s be real, that’s where the connections grow. Being able to be open and honest and real.
At its core, friendship has always meant love, connection, and care — not polished perfection. In a world that sometimes convinces us otherwise, let’s reclaim the fullness of friendship: the laughter, the tears, the mess, and the beauty. Because being a friend isn’t about showing up for someone’s highlight reel. It’s about showing up- period.
With care— Sami
References:
Cigna. (2018). Cigna U.S. loneliness index: Survey of 20,000 Americans examining behaviors driving loneliness [PDF]. MultiVu. https://www.multivu.com/players/English/8294451-cigna-us-loneliness-survey/docs/IndexReport_1524069371598-173525450.pdf
Frontiers. (n.d.). Research on digital communication, friendship quality, and well-being [Journal articles]. Frontiers. Retrieved September 24, 2025, from https://www.frontiersin.org
Harper, D. (n.d.). Friend. In Online etymology dictionary. Retrieved September 24, 2025, from https://www.etymonline.com/word/friend
Harvard Kennedy School, Leadership & Happiness Laboratory. (2025). The friendship recession: The lost art of connecting. Harvard University. https://www.happiness.hks.harvard.edu/february-2025-issue/the-friendship-recession-the-lost-art-of-connecting
Pew Research Center. (2023, October 12). What does friendship look like in America? Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/10/12/what-does-friendship-look-like-in-america/
PubMed Central. (n.d.). Loneliness in the United States: A 2018 national panel survey of adults. National Center for Biotechnology Information. Retrieved September 24, 2025, from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7323762/
PubMed Central. (n.d.). Loneliness in primary care patients: A prevalence study. National Center for Biotechnology Information. Retrieved September 24, 2025, from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6411405/
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services. (n.d.). The health benefits of strong social ties. HHS.gov. Retrieved September 24, 2025, from https://www.hhs.gov
U.S. Surgeon General. (2023). Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the healing effects of social connection and community [Advisory]. U.S. Department of Health & Human Services. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf
