Reclaiming Your Authentic Self
How Healing Friendships Help Us Reclaim Our Authenticity
If you read my last post, “Where My People-Pleasers At?”, you know that people-pleasing can quietly shrink us. It teaches us to minimize our needs, hide our feelings, and stay small in order to avoid conflict or discomfort. While this might have felt like survival at one point, over time it can leave us disconnected from ourselves and from others.
So, what’s the next step after noticing those patterns? How do we move from surviving to truly thriving— and reconnect with our authentic selves?
One powerful answer is healing through friendship and supportive connection.
Healing Isn’t Always Solo
Healing isn’t just about self-regulation or therapy exercises (though those are important). Sometimes, it’s the relationships around us that remind us what it feels like to be fully alive. When we are in unhealthy ones, they have the opposite effect (and we can get into that in a later post)
For today, let’s look at what healing can look like:
Laughing with a friend until your stomach hurts.
Having a space where you can be messy, vulnerable, and still feel valued.
Sitting with someone who listens, without trying to fix or judge.
Not feeling like you need to BE anything.
Silence. Being in spaces you don’t feel the NEED to fill.
These experiences aren’t just comforting — they’re transformative. They help your nervous system learn what it feels like to expand, rather than shrink. They remind you that your presence is enough, that your needs are valid, and that your authentic self has room to breathe.
From Co-Regulation to Freedom
In therapy, we often talk about co-regulation — the ways our nervous systems find balance through connection with others. But beyond calm and stability, the right relationships also offer something more: freedom. Freedom to be messy. Freedom to laugh, cry, and speak your mind. Freedom to take up space without apology. So often we get stuck in space that we don’t feel free to be. This is stifling and restrictive and bogs down our bodies.
If people-pleasing has been a part of your story, these kinds of connections are crucial!! They show you that it’s possible to advocate for yourself and still be loved. They reinforce that authenticity isn’t risky — it’s liberating. It’s scary and messy and hard- but so worth it.
Small Steps Toward Authentic Connection
If you’re ready to reclaim some of that freedom, here are a few ways to start:
Spend time with people who make you feel expansive rather than confined.
Notice who brings out your authentic self, rather than who triggers your people-pleasing habits.
Laugh freely.
Share openly.
Let yourself be imperfect.
Practice co-regulation: let connection help you regulate your nervous system and remind you of your inherent value.
Healing isn’t just about being safe. It’s about remembering you are allowed to exist fully as yourself, and surrounding yourself with people who celebrate that freedom.
A Final Thought
People-pleasing taught us to shrink. Healing friendships teach us to expand. When we invest in relationships that honor our authenticity, we build not only coping skills, but the freedom to truly be ourselves.
The work is ongoing, but every small step — every honest conversation, every laugh, every moment of showing up as you — is progress.
